I have been single now for 3 years, wow, that’s depressing. That’s what you thought right? Not me… Okay, so maybe for the first 18 months of this period I was one miserable woman, still reeling from the horrible break up that concluded an odd 5 year relationship. I fell in love with this boy instantly. This is what made it a tough relationship. At first sight, I literally loved him. Everything about him. We had so much in common; music, booze, oh hang on, that’s probably it. But at 25, that made me happy enough. It became clear pretty quickly we weren’t right for each other, we brought out the bad in each other. For him, that was everything, for me, it was being smitten and just feeling needy and wanting to be with him all the time. Error!
Anyway, enough of that cretin. That’s all easy to harp on about and explain, but what’s hard is trying to explain to people as to why I’m happy being single, or rather, get them to understand that living the text-book way of life isn’t the only way, and isn’t necessarily the best way.
We’re all different, and different things make us tick. I get so frustrated when my friends judge me (that is what they do in their heads, behind their rolling eyes) for not being like them. Whether they are attached, married, with children, owning a home…yadda yadda yadda, good for you, if you’re happy, then I’m happy for you. Does it work the other way around, not so much. It’s like I have to explain myself, yet, I don’t ask them to explain, as far as I’m concerned, it’s not on my radar, it’s their life, as I said, if they’re happy, fab! I’ve owned a home, I’ve been in love twice, … yet, I’m still as happy now as I was when I was living those chapters.
I’ve always been a bit of a bookworm, but finding the time to do it, or being able to switch off to do it, has been a bit tricky of late. However, after downloading a few freebies from Amazon on to my Kindle, and being in need of an easy read after the intense (and enjoyable) Gone Girl, I opted for Why I love Singlehood, by Elisa Lorello & Sarah Girrell.
Man, the title alone was fitting, but after reading, I was like, yes, see, this is me, and this is why I’m happy with my choice! A great read, for anyone (probably female) to be honest. But what gave me the idea of this post, was chapter late on in the book. To all my friends, I may not have written this, but it’s how I feel:
Singlehood Is a State of Mind. It’s not about having the bed to yourself or about sharing bathrooms. It’s not about who you were with yesterday or whether you’ve got a date tomorrow. It’s not about whether you travel the world or stay at home. It’s not about having a ring on your finger or a key to his place. It’s about being sure of yourself, and living out loud with peace and acceptance. It’s not the road less traveled but the one that appears in front of you, brick by brick, with each step you take.
Singlehood is about finding and committing to the love of your life. I’m talking about the literal love of your life. Being in a place of self-sufficiency, strength, independence, comfort, confidence, and happiness is what matters. No relationship, no matter how seemingly perfect and compatible you are, can give you these things. You have to find them within. You have to bring them to your relationship. Because in the end, you don’t have to be alone to be single. And being single doesn’t mean that you are alone. In other words, singlehood is a state of mind.
This Valentine’s Day, I’m not hoping for a box of chocolates or a secret valentine or a dozen long-stem roses or anything like that. Instead I’m going to court myself. I’m going to make myself a marvelous candlelight dinner because I deserve it. I’m going to read my favorite books and perhaps write a short story. I’m going to go for a walk on the beach. I’m going to do more at home than clean or sleep. I’m going to do all this because that’s what I love, and we all deserve to live with love wherever we find it. May each and every one of you find the love of your life, whatever that means to you.
Just remember, all this talk of children and partners ain’t all that exciting for everyone and not everyone wants to hear it all the time, and I’m sure not everyone wants to hear about me being able to do what I want, when I want, how I want… No one is the same, and no one is better. So if in doubt, shut up and smile.