From the title alone, let alone this entire post, I accept that I could be judged as either a heartless bitch, or an honest daughter with a heart that wants to help.
When my father sadly passed away in 1998, and I was at the milestone age of 16, it goes without saying, my life changed dramatically. From memory, my mother has never been the strongest women I’ve had in my life, but on that day, 3rd July 1998, she took about 20 million steps backwards. That’s what it felt like then, and to this day, she is even further back. To become the headstrong member of the house, the carer, the voice, the decision maker…the parent, all at 16, is probably my least favorite role I’ve ever had, but the one that probably paved the path of my life, and made me who I am today, and why i’m about to embark on my next adventure.
This is clearly not a jolly post by any means, so I will make it a tad less mind numbing by not boring you with all the facts from the last 16 years, instead, just jump to the situation of today…
My mother and her husband have (had!) sold their house, and today, sadly, the buyers pulled out. Now, whether you’ve purchased / sold a house or not, sure, you know this is a pain in the backside, but you also know (or should do), it really cant be helped, and is just one of those things, that isn’t worth stressing about, as it just causes more unneccessary stress. And no, i’m not just saying that, because the purchase, and selling, of my flat went through easy as pie, no no no, I just don’t believe in stress.
Now, my mother is the biggest martyr you will ever come across, and let me explain why. Disclaimer, I can be honest because I’m related to her, judge me then leave this page.
Stretching from the extreme of many suicide attempts right down to crying over a burnt pizza, I will only be honest to this women, and not give her the one thing she wants, attention. Every time I come here to visit her, I have the same conversations with the pair of them, food. Okay so I studied nutrition when I studied my personal trainer degree, and I’ve had health problems, so I am educated on diet and nutrition, but not having that is no excuse for eating feck all in the hope to lose weight. I’d just like to add, I’ve skipped writing a few blog entries recently whining about my colleagues, as my gosh…the amount of repetive conversations about food and exercise I’ve had to endure over the last few months…definately something I will not miss now Ii have left my job. Anyway, back to the subject in hand… a grown woman to whimper on about not losing weight, when she either eats nothing (this is the body going in to starvation mode woman!) or, forgets that cake / biscuits / sweets are not vegetables. Not forgetting she gets zero exercise… She has a million ailments, and I’m no doctor, but these are all caused by her hermit status. Falling asleep every 5 minutes, “no I’m not” being the pathetic response, not sleeping all night, constantly at the doctors…yes I know, I do sound heartless, but living with this, seriously, I feel for you if you understand my thinking. Maybe I should have titled this post; “walking on eggshells”.
In two weeks time, i’ll be getting set to touch down in Hong Kong, i’m 32, I need to live my life for me, finally, and that’s what this trip is all about, can I be let off my babysitting duties yet, please? I feel like I need a miracle. I just want my mother to grow up… Please woman, just eat 3 meals a day, get out the house, exercise, stop crying over spilt milk, get friends, get new hobbies, go on holidays, and generally just quit acting like an attention seeking childlike martyr. You’ve wasted so many years, or you just make out you have. Take a leaf out of my book, and be happy, smile about something, and just be realistic time to time would you. Sure, I love you, but don’t put me on a guilt trip, or attempt to fill me with fear, should I ever decide to have children, I don’t want to fear that I will not be me anymore, but you. Make me proud mother, and just start living, before you really succeed in trying to make your existence reach it’s end. I want you to be happy, and it really could turn around for you, if you just step out of your comfort zone once in a while. After that first step out of the box, believe me, the next leap will be much easier.
Families aye, *eye roll* This post confirms we don’t all need them, and we don’t all take after them, we are in this world by ourselves, live it for you, and make yourself happy. That’s usually the best way of making others happy.
Now, smile 😉