I’ve been away thirteen months, away from the home turf for thirteen months, and I’m still yet to have a real spaz out from ‘home sickness’. Nope, I’m not dead inside, just more a floating black sheep that lives wherever her satchel gets thrown on the floor.
Then today happened…
Today I started to refocus on what I’m doing and why I’m happy doing what I’m doing. I have had to focus on refocusing due to a rotten dealing of dramatics that have recently occurred. Then I remembered, as I stared out at the breathtaking view from my balcony (again, I will never tire of this view), whilst supping away on a homemade green smoothie, that back in Blighty, my old work families saw me as the constantly smiling, laid back, positive, happy go lucky, with quite the mind of a gutter rat and slightly potty mouthed, good gal. Having my chums remind me of this status I have gained over the years, is what I’ve missed recently. So you could say, a smidge of home sickness crept in. Or neediness – yuck, I prefer the home sickage. With the fresh kiwi air making 95% of its population smiley and positivity, it’s surprising when a tough day takes hold, and no one can snap you out of it. Turn that into seven days, and you can see as to why I had a blip. Yet, looking back, even tho the peepers welled up, but NEVER actually leaked, I still kept my smile in place when necessary. Yet I knew, I was aware, that my mind was a lil tinted with a grey colour scale.
It began on a (forgive me, I forget the weather of that day) Tuesday, just two weeks ago, sitting at my desk at work confused about the odd lunch date I had had just the previous day, with an aforementioned blog post worthy diddly head, then when all of a sudden, during afternoon tea break, this dwoddle brain asked me if I had five minutes. Me, suddenly learning I can be a tad naive at times, assumed (oops) it was to have a normal chat over a normal avo tea, URGH, WRONG! As soon as my large feet stepped in to the communal kitchen, the barking came straight in my direction. I won’t recite the speech that my lug’oles were treated too, but let’s just say; I held my own, asked three times for the voice aimed at me to be reduced in volume, before nodding, and smirking, in agreement, that yes okay, we no longer speak outside of work, or even, IN work. I walked out the kitchen, I would say with my head held high, but actually just supping on my green tea without a look back.
Sitting at my desk, I was trying to calculate how many people, colleagues, overheard the unnecessary cowardly lecture I had received, and how many people now thought of me as something very unpleasant. Again, I won’t share the (one sided) conversation just endured in the kitchen, but let’s just say, it was all codswollop, and just a way for a coward, whom had realised he had majorly ballsed up in recent months, and was unable to use, like many people I’ve met in my life, the apologetic word, ‘sorry’. I took some deep breathes, maintained my composure and bid farewell to my colleagues.
Thankfully, I was then out of the office for two days attending a work related appointment, so the retard was having some time alone, to self reflect. Me however, a 4:15am wake up call, a flight, zero breakfast, bad coffee and a shit storm fast approaching.
A little after lunch during one of the agenda highlights, it was announced, like the biggest bolt out of the darkest blue, that my job was going to be automated in a handful of months, and therefore, adios to muggins ‘ere! Yep, that’s right, BOOM! Socked me sideways. My colleague asked me, just as my jaw hit the floor, “Uh, Sam, isn’t that your job?!”, my response was simply, “uh-huh”.
I raised it with my TL, my boss and a further colleague over dinner, and no less than three times, I was laughed off. So, due to a beer and a wine not helping, I hit the down filled duvet covered queen bed pretty early, and tried again over breakfast. My eyes rolled and my throat sighed when I was once again, shunned without an explanation. Considering my job keeps me clinging on to my visa, I wasn’t going to head home today without getting some sort of answer. Sadly, the anaswer I received was to read some legislation about how I would receive a considerate amount of notice.
Boarding the flight home without saying a word to more than just one of my five colleagues, I got home and gave the biggest exhale and face palm I could manage. Tomorrow, tomorrow was Friday, and I was getting me some answers…
Demanding a meeting with my TL at 10:30am, kept me focused and also too busy to see the office douche, but by 10:45am I was none the wiser and walking out of the office for some fresh air and to stop the air conditioning affecting my eyes. Ahem. As you can see from my many posts, I can talk, I can type, and I can ‘alf go on. Therefore, documenting the meeting came quite easy to me, and quite quickly resembled the length of War & Peace. However, it went unacknowledged. Until 4:45pm, when I had already enjoyed a bottle of red wine, and finally got to spend some time with my two new fun loving contracted employees, the boss called me aside…hiccup… It was brought to my attention (which to this day I still think stinks) that none of my managaerial team were aware of this announcement, BUT, a meeting would be scheduled on Monday, and answers would be shared. Great, just an entire weekend to wait then. A call to Immigration to check my restricions, and a quick exit from the office with a bundle of joyous peeps, I hit the big firm shoulder that is, The Pub.
My mind was back to being in it’s easy place, the gutter, and the eve was very much helping me forget the week that was. When I say ‘eve’, I kinda mean ‘beer’. And well, to that week I say, laterz haterz, I got me a happy ending.
The weekend consisted of a constant head fudge, and food. Lots there of. Of both.
Monday was then here, waving hiya in my face. Loud and clear. Then after what felt like an enternity, at 10am, I had the meeting with the two bigger bosses. Apologies were received, the humiliation I feelt was explained, a few times, and well, BAM betch, I got me confirmation that my job was safe YO!
Obviously for data schmahater protection, i’ve kept much of the info to a minimum. Yet i’ve still managed to garble on for quite the post aye, just to try and explain that as positive and happy go lucky as I am, that even when i’m applying myself, when propa shiz be messing with my money, and be like messing with my emotions, i’m gunna get a tad, albeit temporarily, not so happy clappy.
Where was I going with this post… oh I know, after going for a sporadic evening run, enjoying a healthy smoothie, snuggling up on the sofa with a movie (The Maze Runner) and a few episodes of Season 2: Orange is the New Black, and discovering that I have a whole load of boxsets to catch up on, thanks to the power of online streaming, I feel chilled. Happy. Relaxed. And sure, sure as hell that I made the right decision to leave my chums that ‘knew’ me, and continue with my One Gal and Her Satch adventures. However, when we finally get around to communicating, they be like buses, I update one, I have to update 100, so this be well easier. Oh, and nine days in Fiji should really put the frosty icing on the vanilla sponge cupcake. Yip yip, roll on Monday baby, i’m going to Fiiiiiiijiiiiiiiiii! SHABBA!! This blog is about my actual travels after all, and not just the journeys in my head aye.
I may be ‘on my own’, but with a keyboard in front of me, and endless views, i’m as comforted as any man and his dog. But sometimes, a little bit of refocusing helps us really appreciate it. Until i’m muchos chilled, along with super dooper focused again, oh and beach tanned , i’m outtie xxx