Melting down to mould into a new year.

Happy New Year!

I feel like staring a new post with “it’s been a while since my last post” is a bit cliché, but also pretty darn common for myself, oopsies. Oh well, let’s get over that and continue with this post shall we now. Alert alert, it’s a bit of a deep one, oh again, so common. I’ll try and keep it succinct however…that’s laughable. Double oopsies.

2017 flew by. I did manage quite a few fun trips in there though, America being ruddy awesome, and Rarotonga, oh maaaaan that was relax-tastic, such a dream. If I could be back there right now, yes please. A wee trip to Melbourne for Labour Weekend also occurred, and then with winter slowly phasing itself out, it was nice to FINALLY welcome some sunshine for summer. Of course of course, it’s Auckland, so we only get to have a handful of nice days before the rain washes away any summer plans, but, 2018, please just start with a real summer would you. My body just loves a good freckle burst.

How did 2017 end, what’s my review of the entire year? All the questions and one stumped response. I. Just. Don’t. Know. Like seriously, looking back, I remember USA and Raro, oh and Bradley and I moved in to our first home together. Oh, and we purchased a car. AND road bikes. No pets, but vehicles a plenty. Um…surely some other stuff. Oh yes, of course, I gained a shed load of weight. Obvs. Got a new job. Or two. Or even three, ahem. I went blonde. Of which some days I love it, helps the grey regrowth blend in a wee bit better, but some days I miss my brunette barnet. I’m going to get it in the neck if I forgot anything else now. Oh oh, I got my back issue/pain a few steps further. Leaps and bounds really. I’m now on a wait list for back fusion surgery. The wait list could be a yearlong, but that’s grand with me, it’s still movement in the right direction. It’s a pretty darn invasive surgery, and the recovery period is also pretty intense, so, unless we decide to have a baby before I get put on the table and under a few knives, within the next 12 months, I could have a cool as looking scar. As I said, from the back surgery, but if a baby comes first and comes out the sun roof, then I’ll take that scar too.

I feel like I’m somewhat off track, I’m known to digress. What I’m trying to put out there, is that looking back, 2017 was another year where I wish I had left it on more of a high. Rather than the looking out to the ocean contemplating walking as far as the moon would light. Yip, that happened, that’s the rock i’ve managed to get lower than. However, I guess what the end of 2017 has done, is that it’s spurred me on so that the start of 2018 puts me on the path of sorting out my total lack of confidence, putting to sleep my insecurities and opening up rather than bottling up. Two years ago, I changed from being so super positive, smiley, pro-active and laid back with a smidge of crazy (fun crazy) thrown in, to now not really knowing how to be positive, or to think what hobbies I want, or what fun stuff I want to achieve in my life, just plodding along and sulking about it along the way.

Today alone I’ve reached out to some friends and been honest with them, and they’ve all given me separate bits of advice, that essentially amount to the same thing; that I’m not alone, and that I can open up to my friends at any time, even if it’s just to talk at them for 10 minutes to get sadness out my mind. It will help, and they will help me. I hate sounding so pathetic, but I’ve made an appointment to speak to someone professional tomorrow, and putting my hand in the air saying I need help, is as good a start as any. Surely.

Also, it pains me to say this, being as stubborn as I am (that’s a good thing tho, and I stand by that), but I guess after almost 6 months of deactivation, it’s time to bring my Facebook account back to life. How can I grumble about having no friends if I’ve chose to turn them off? Third and final oopsies.

Happy New Year! xxx

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