Well, I made it to almost seven months with this one, and by this one, I mean j-o-b. That’s right once again I have resigned. A mixture of reasons, but ultimately, after x number of years of protesting to anyone within ear shot that ‘life is too short’ and ‘you need to look after number one’, I’m finally taking that wise advice, and taking the latter part of 2018, twenty years after leaving school (bugger me!), to learn about myself, teach myself how to listen to my body, and take time out for the one and only me.
Seven months ago when I started at this current place of employment, I was a few months in of finally dealing with a confirmed diagnosis of ME/CFS. After suffering with the illness since my childhood, it was great to finally have it diagnosed, be able to do some research and figure out how to try and balance it’s effects. (affects?). Instead of starting a new job and thinking that would give me a new positive focus, it went on to hinder a few things. I felt more alone, lost, confused, and pretty worthless, and not to mention out of my depth, mainly by not being able to recognise myself. Fast forward past the glorious Christmas break, the fun time New Years adventure, and a promotion to Administration Manager, I thought, this could be it. Nah, again, nah. Long hours, two full time roles, occasionally three, little reward, and being exhausted during my ‘free time’, I was getting worse, before I was able to see the golden light to become better.
I hit an all time low one weekend when I was back in to suffering the major slumps of being in pain and so uncomfortable, not to mention petty and somewhat (beyond) grumpy, that I realised I was going backwards at a mighty rate. Then, just a mere few Mondays ago, my darling significant other dislocated his shoulder whilst we were completing our pre-work gym session. Off to the hospital we went, where the number of doctors done a cracking job fixing him up, with the help of a lot of laughing gas for him I must state, I somehow decided to steal his thunder.
Standing there minding my own business, I started to suffer ‘watery mouth’ sensations, thinking, not sure why, but I’m going to be sick. However, trapped behind the shoulder fixing doctors, I didn’t want to be a nuisance. Then what felt like hours of time later, my vision started to go blurry, followed by my ability to hear – vanishing, and then my ability to speak – simply removed, moving my arms wasn’t an abled option and then I struggled to stand…. I leant against the wall, and quickly went down to the floor. My legs were raised in to a chair for me, my head on to a pillow and someone helped me remove my jersey that was now swimming in sweat. Senses slowly coming back, and embarrassment quickly setting in.
The reason we were in the hospital was of course, the boy dislocating his shoulder. He however went on to work, me, after my little attention stealing episode, went home and crapped myself in to worry about what just occurred. But also, somewhat pleased I was at home, and not at the office.
Visiting my GP shortly after, he advised me that my stress levels had returned to a mighty high, and what I had experienced was the long discharged anxiety attack. Resulting in a week off work. Yah! During this week, I made a decision. Not a rash decision, but one that, after 19 years of working full time, I had been pin balling around my fuzzy head for about a year now, and I was going to resign.
Now, my mattress doesn’t cover a large sum of savings, and neither does my bank account. Apparently I don’t come from a family of wealthy professionals, and I’ve not been given anything from any of the many wills read through the large pool of deceased relatives, so I still need an income. I’ve managed to get myself a nice little part time job, no need to elaborate on that, as it sounds like a fun role, but ultimately, I need to make rent each week, along with health insurance premiums (I mean, re-read the above if you think this is worth scrapping, you’ll quickly learn, this is more important than the rent!), and with our new gym membership re-igniting my love of the gym, our couples pass is to be defo kept up. I visit every day, it’s my happy place, for sure.
The part time role, doesn’t quite cover these payments however, so sporadic weekends by way of an Air New Zealand 24-hour sale are no longer a-go-go, neither are hair cuts, root touch ups, hell, even $10 rib nights are like a super pricey non possible treat moving forward. Oh, and if you are lucky enough to receive a Christmas/birthday gift from me, expect it to be made by my own crafty hands, using little more than a toilet roll tube and some glitter pens, and a miracle that the pigeon made it to you with the delivery. But, what I will get from this, is clocking off work at 2.30pm, heading straight home a few days of the week, along the water front, pottering round the house, taking a nap, chilling with a book, taking a bath, or even, watching trashy TV (is this really trashy though?!).
“Some days?” you hear me say. That’s right, the plan being that 2 to 3 days of the week, I’ll clock off at 2.30pm and had to the City Library for some peaceful study time. Raising your eyebrow at “study” are ya? Well yeah, you see my little chums, I’ve signed up to study something that I was qualified in a year or two before I left beautiful Britain, to re-educate myself in the ever updating world of fitness and nutrition. That’s right, with the gym being my daily happy place, and with the 15kgs I’ve lost with Fat Club since February, and the improvements I’ve made (by myself!!) on my back injury is just crazy excellent. I want to continue this journey on helping myself and fuelling this happy ride, and if I can keep this smile on my dial, I know in time I can be the Sambo I was a few years back and genuinely help others do the same.
I got accepted for a grant with Fit College and plan on having my Personal Trainer qualifications back under my loosened belt WELL before the 12 month guideline is up.
I remember the love I had in me in general, for life, but also for this industry a number of years back. With a recent discovery, and now obsession, with a You Tube delight called Sarah (@sarahs_day) and the inside healing aid of Tropeaka’s goodness, I am keeping the buzz in place. Much to my chaps delight, I’ve gone slump free for hmm, seven weeks now, I had to go back and count that by the way, as that’s a darn record!
2018, I may be financially broke come the end of it, but I’m gunna be enjoying the wealth of health! xxx